just ten minutes before you got here, I was gonna jump too.
we all flirt with the tiniest notion of self-conclusion in one simplified motion.
you see, the trick is that you're never supposed to act on it,
no matter how unbearable this misery gets.
edited Mon, 2/23.
I've faced so many fears this week.
The sad part is, each one that I've faced, was created on Friday, 2/13.
Long story short,
a couple of cops showed up, I was sent to see a psychiatrist.
But, I didn't get a good vibe from the place I was at, so my parents decided that we'd find one on our own.
Came home, slept.
But, I'm still reliving memories from last Friday.
The lady asked me a few questions when I got there, but every time I think of one certain question, I freak out. I panic. Can't breathe, can't stand, can barely even sit up or keep my eyes open. It's hardest in school, when I'm supposed to be concentrating.
But I'm okay.
I need to wait a week until I can make an appointment with a therapist, but I found one I want to go to.
Only one of my friends knows what happened on Friday, and that's the only person who's going to know.
I was afraid of seeing cop cars for a few days.
Every time I saw one I felt like they were going to stop me.
I was afraid of my computer for awhile.
I felt like it was the cause of this whole thing, even though it's not.
It took me forever just to get on it, but the need to charge my ipod got me to go on.
It took even longer to go online. I started off just going on to google stuff.
Then I slowly made it to Facebook.
I haven't made it to MySpace yet, and just being on here is making me shake.
I have to get on livejournal.
And eventually, I'll get back to PSC.
I don't know when or how, but I will.
My mom found out about it.
She doesn't know what website it is, or anything about it,
but she hates the fact that I was meeting people online.
I can't blame her, but I can't give up PSC either.
I feel terrible for worrying so many people, but I'm okay now.
Hopefully eventually I'll be better almost completely.
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About Me
- Serendipity
- Serendipity:(n) unexpected luck. At first meeting, I'm not what you'd expect. I am everything that I am not; I contradict myself all the time, just never out loud. My thoughts are as confusing and impossible to figure out as the Rubik's cube you all gave up on years ago. I'm random, and I can be a bit of a spaz sometimes, but I don't care. I've got family and friends and for now, that's all I need. I'm always always always listening to music. If I can't listen to it, I've got about twelve songs stuck in my head, and I'm most likely scribbling song lyrics somewhere. Don't try to figure me out, because you never will.
3 comments:
NO
CALL/TEXT ME INSTEAD
YOU HAVE MY NUMBER
HOLLYCE
(WHOKNOWS)
I found you on PSC, and now I can't remember what your username was. = (
But I do know that you will be missed. Not only by everyone you mentioned, but by all of us on PSC, and especially by me. I saw so much of myself as I was reading your blog.
<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3
I just left you a comment, but I don't think it's going to post. The basic point of it though was that you definetly would be missed if you left us. Not just by the people you mentioned, but by the people you've talked to on PSC, and especially by me. I saw so much of myself while I was reading your blog.
<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3
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