a silent journal

9:51 am, period 3
As my pre-calculus classmates struggle to understnad logarithms, I sit here, already finished with my work and having nothing else to do. Jaynee and Michael talk behind me, Miguel and Shea to my right, and Edgar and Jellirica opposite them. I can't help but sing "Without You" by Hinder. But I sing it silently, only in my head. People ask for help from each other, but I don't offer. I've nver been good at teaching. Besides, I sti here invisible to the world, writing, only writing. Brittany asks how to do natural logarithms on her calculator. I show her. I feel boring, as if this is all my day will consist of. The substitute teacher sits in his chair reading his book. Now he gets up to tell Mike to turn off his iPod. I want to listen to mine.
I will have chorus lessons during 7th period. I'm not at all sad that I'll miss current events in history class.
Mr. Lehmann walks into the room. I have no idea where he has come from. Sabrina and Lauren talk about the media center being closed. Maybe that's where he's been.
My stomach growls, but I refuse to notice. I will not - I can not - eat today. I won't regret it. The clock says 10:05. The bell will ring in 3 minutes. I'll make my way to my American Sign Language class, one of my two favorite.

11:08 pm
I miss my wishing minute by just one. I need speakers on my computer. I type this on my parents computer, and wonder if there's any way they can find it later on. I don't think so. The completed song alert pops up. Another song to listen to. Only one more left to finish. My Creative Writing-History-English notebook sits on Kristelle's bedroom floor at the moment, the result of my forgetfulness earlier today.
Day 10 complete.
Today is the day I've finally remembered to bring my English journal home to add my entry from the other day.

English:
What do you want the future America to look like? What is your version of the American Dream?

Hm. Well, I don't really know.
Oh Jesus. Please tell me we're not getting into political debates today. Take Obama off the agenda, McGuirk, please!
Future America? Not him. My American Dream would be no war. Happy family, no threats of dying everyday.
The future America will not look like what I wish it could. Our military is going to be cut back - that is NOT what I hoped for. I'd like to wake up 20 years from now without a war. No illegal immigrants taking our jobs, money, and education. People speaking English. No ghettos. Schools that can afford something as simple as textbooks before they need security cameras. I'd like for 21-year-old Kayla and Ryan to be comfortable raising families - more comfortable than their parents are now. I'd like to wake up 20 years from now and not think that the world is ending. I'd like to trust in God that we're all going to live to see the end of this war. The right way, not by ruining our military. I'd like to wake up 20 years from now and think positive, happy thoughts. Not wonder what'll go wrong today.
As for the American Dream, I really don't know. A family, yeah. A house of my own, sure. But what else do you really need to be successful. Nobody can decide that for me, ad I really can't decide that for anyone else.