i'm not crazy, i'm just a little impaired.

12:33 am
Why the hell did I take my journal out in the first place? So I wouldn't lose my train of thought. I started copying down song lyrics and forgot the whole reason behind my random journaling at 12:30 in the morning.
Oh, right, I remember. My theory. It's been a week that I've been so touchy and pissy and pms-y. I know I'm not pmsing, so I need an explanation. If not for anyone else, I want to know for myself. And I figured it out.
I've been so on edge since Monday because Sunday night I threw out my razors. I stopped just like that. It's like a smoker throwing out his last pack of cigarettes or an alcoholic never having another drink. You go through withdrawal. Of course, mine wouldn't be physical, because cutting isn't a physical addiction. It's all mental. So withdrawal is going to be in my brain, not my body. I'm going to be emotional, irritable, stressed... and I can't help that. It isn't fair. I mean, it's fair to me; I deserve it for having this sick dependency. It's not fair to everyone around me who has to deal with my mood swings and anger issues. Because I don't know how long this is going to last. I can't sleep, I can't eat. And I'm being horrible to my friends and family. I just don't know what to do about it. I don't know how to stop it, I don't know how to control it. I can't live like this. But I can't live like that either. And I'm sorry.

I could tell you..
His favorite color's red.
His favorite singer is Chris Brown.
His favorite basketball player is Lebron James.
He loves Jabowakeez.
He's awesome at guitar.
His birthday is May 6th.
His favorite sport is basketball.
He has an Xbox 360 that he plays with his little brother all the time.
He loves Chinese food.
He enjoys baking, especially cupcakes.
He's getting his license on November 10th.
His shoe size is 10 1/2 - 11.
His favorite movie is 300.
He has his best friends' names engraved on the inside of his class ring.
His mom works in a hospital in New York.
He has a german shepherd named Max and a boxer named Angel.
He's one of the most stubborn people you'll meet.
He got a 1250 on his SAT and hates it.
He wants to get a career in technology.
The first college he thought of was NJIT.
He works out almost everyday.
He's 5'9".
He loves to sing.
He likes mango.

I can tell you almost anything.

I could tell you secrets that nobody knows.
But I'd never tell you that.

8:30 am
I used to always want to eat jello. I loved it. But then I didn't eat it for awhile, and I thought I still liked it, but when I got the chance to eat it again, I didn't want it anymore.
He always wanted to see me. But then we didn't get to see each other for awhile. When we finally got to talk and had the chance to see each other - just like I didn't like the jello anymore - he just didn't love me the same way. He realized that he can live without me.