love and broken glass

7:42 am
No chorus today. :)
But Kevin's being confusing again. I hate his stupid mind games. I tried talking to him, but all he could talk about is how busy he is and how much school work he has. I hate this. This is just what he did 7 1/2 months ago. Except then I had hope. Now I have none.
These scratches and scrapes do nothing for me. Day 9 and I'm already wanting - no, needing, tempted, not wanting - to just do it already. My taped up razors are still in the garbage. I'm so triggered. I'm so triggered. I don't want to be here. I want to be on PSC.

Without you, I live it up a little more everyday. Without you, I'm seeing myself so differently. I didn't wanna believe it then, but it all worked out in the end. I never thought I'd say I'm fine without you.

9:21 pm
I got me an iPod! Finally! I need, need, need to download more songs tonight.
Such as:
Nickelback - Gotta Be Somebody
Saving Abel - 18 Days
Hinder - Without You
Staind - Right Here
12 Stones - Adrenaline
Taylor Swift - Love Story
Lynam - Save My Soul
Soul Asylum - Runaway Train
Buckcherry - Roses
Simple Plan - Your Love Is A Lie
P.O.D - Alive

Frank's being an asshole to me again, go figure.
I hate it. One day he loves me the next he hates me.
Stupid fucking pmsing 70-year-old man.

Now I need to download iTunes.
Ugh. I wrote so little today. I'm so disappointed in me.
I had the biggest need to journal at work today.
But I couldn't.
I had to price Christmas replacement lights today.
A bunch had broken.
There were lots of little pieces of broken glass everywhere.
Many pieces fell on my hands.
If Kathi hadn't cleaned up the glass while I was in the bathroom,
I would've snuck a few pieces home.
I need something to replace my missing razors.
I need it.

All I could do to stop myself was think,
Broken glass - O'Beirne.
O'Beirne - IALAC.
IALAC - Camp.
Camp - happy.
Happy - Ryan.
Ryan - love.
Love - safety.
Safety - not cutting.

And now to go download iTunes.