bipolar disorder in overdrive?

1:17 pm, period 8
I'm happy yet not happy with my 40-line poem for creative writing. Some parts I like but others I don't.

Ugh, I know we've had forever on this essay, McGuirk, but you're not my only class. I have more to do than a stupid essay on blindness.

2:11 pm, period 5
It bothers me that I'm not writing as much these past few days.
My head is killing me. I feel like sleeping, but I'm not nearly as exhausted as I was this morning. I almost fell alseep in pre-calc. Now I just wanna close my eyes and make the pain in my head go away.
Aylin agrees with me that I'm probably going through withdrawal. She said it'll take probably about a month. Day 13. Only been 8 days since I threw everything away.

So don't mind if I fall apart.
There's more room in a broken heart.

I finished my 40-line poem!

Creative Writing:
Just like the sun
On a cold winter's day
Shining so brightly
But so out of place
Just like the child
At a Christmas Eve celebration
So eager to play
But playing alone
And though the good stands out in this world
It's still so invisible to too many eyes
So easy to hear negative
So willing to put down
And who gets hurt
Not those who accuse
But watching from the sidelines
Are the ones who've been there
Making jokes, fun and games
Patronizing, criticizing
Do you hear what you're saying
One day all on the playing field
Move to the outside
If even just once
To hear their own lives in the game
And how do you feel now
But tomorrow turns back around
Until you hit rock bottom
With no where to go but up
Lie in the dark
Scribbling out words
Making thoughts into nonsense
And nonsense into stories
Keep up a distraction
Don't go back to your art
Just another road back to the beginning
Step one, square one
Day one all over again
3, 2, 1, she's falling again
Before you know it, she's crashing again
And who can save her but herself
She can't even save herself

11:16 pm
So much for doing actual work tonight. My head is pounding and I'm so triggered. I think these headaches are part of my withdrawal or, as I'm calling it, emotional detox. Aylin showed me this song - "The Last Night" by Skillet. It's so amazing. But anyway. Elizabeth was amazed to find out that I've been cutting since 7th grade. Michelle and I got into an argument on the way to dance last night, because she didn't believe me when I told her from lots of experience that skin cancer is not caused by the sun. That didn't help my mood swings any. At dance, I distanced myself from everyone until finally I just went and sat outside against the building shaking, trying not to cry, but not afraid to let myself sob. I never ended up crying, just taking deep deep breaths. Eventually Elizabeth came out, when I'd finally given up any hope that somebody would care enough about me to actually notice that I was missing. She just sat next to me and hugged me to her, having no idea what was wrong, and I just let myself fall. I think that If I'd had the ability at the moment, I would've ended up crying on her. She asked if I was upset about Kevin, who was actually the farthest thing from my mind. I told her how I'd thrown out everything that I could use to hurt myself.
"Why would you hurt yourself?"
Because I've been cutting since 7th grade.
That's when she was like, "WHAT?!" and kinda flipped out. She wasn't freaked out, but she was just.. I guess surprised that I did, or maybe just that she didn't know. Then she pulled me back inside so we could start our class. I went and sat in my corner on the chairs by the changing room door, where I knew everyone else could see me, but I didn't care. I knew they weren't paying attention. She asked me a little about it, things that I didn't mind responding to. She asked where I did it and how I hid it. She said that she'd never noticed scars before, so I showed her my arms and pointed a few out.
I was a little bit better during our classes, and my average emotion was somewhere between slightly bummed and just about okay. The ride home was silent, I finished highlighting points for me and Michelle's debate (which she's done nothing to help me with). I'm so triggered. I don't know how much longer I'm going to last.