You might think I'm bulletproof, but I'm not.

Just some things I don't think should be said out loud.

Matt.
You know that I have no problem helping you out. If you need to rant, you know I'm there to listen. You also know that I've told you time after time that I'm done with Linsey's drama. I told you when you got back together with her for the fourth freaking time that I don't want to hear your problems with her, because no matter how much advice I give you, you never, ever listen. I've told you time after time what I think. I've given you the same advice every time you break up. And I'm done, because you never listen. You get hurt, take her right back, and get hurt exactly the same. It's the same thing every time, and I can't protect you from it. None of us can. That's why we've all given up. Because you ask us for help, and then ignore everything we say. It's not fair, and it's frustrating, and honestly, it's quite rude. I remember exactly what I said last time you broke up. If you were only happy physically, you didn't love her. And if she stopped talking to you when she should've been supporting you, she didn't love you either. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but.. you can't let her destroy you. You are not a terrible person in any way and you deserve to be with someone who will treat you right and be with you through thick and thin. Someone who won't just up and leave when you aren't perfect. If she can't handle you at your worst, she doesn't deserve you at your best. Don't let yourself believe you deserve anything less than happiness. And I remember when you told me that she broke up with you because you cut again. And I remember in Virginia when she came to see you once during the dance to see if you were okay, while me and Brittany stayed with you the whole time you were half asleep, laying over three chairs under the table, practically praying for the night to be over because you felt so sick. And all she cared about was dancing. She barely even looked at you the one time she came over. That's not a girlfriend.
That said, you know that I'm here to listen whenever you have a problem. When your dad comes home drunk of his ass screaming at you, I've told you that I'll gladly be there in a heartbeat to pick you up and get you away from him. When you're upset about your mom, I let you cry on my shoulder. When you have problems with your friends, I'm always here to talk. And you know it. You call me whenever you need to just get something out.
So why can't I do the same? If you can tell me when you're mad, why can't I talk when I'm mad? Why did you continually change the subject on the way home tonight? Why couldn't I just get out what I needed so badly to get out? I'm sure you didn't notice in the dark that I was almost crying, but I was. And sure, you don't know what I'm thinking, but would you have acted differently if you knew I had been contemplating cutting tonight? Sure, you would've told me why I shouldn't and that it's bad. But would you have been there just to listen? Just, to let me get out what I needed to get out? To just be a friend? I know it's hard to believe sometimes, but I'm not nearly as strong as everyone thinks I am. I'm the one people come to when they need someone who'll just listen. But why does nobody ever realize that sometimes, I need to talk? Maybe I need someone who'll just listen. I'd think that of all people you'd get it. But you don't. And you don't let me talk. And sooner or later, I might stop listening to you, too. Because it's not fair. I can't always be there for you if you're not gonna be there for me too. I put on a good act, but I'm not that strong.
Oh, and the shit you're pulling about me, Jackie, and Aylin's conversation yesterday? Please, get the hell over it. We all have parts of our past that we'd rather get rid of, but we all have to live with it. We were talking about all our pasts, not just yours. In fact, the conversation started entirely about us. You just happened to join. I'm sorry you can't get over what happened four years ago, but if you keep dwelling, it's never gonna get any better. We all admitted to parts of our past that we're not proud of, years that we wish hadn't happened. Don't get mad at us, and don't keep telling me how much it still bothers you. Because we were saying the same things about all of us, about ourselves, and you're being ridiculously selfish. Next time, we'll leave you out. And you say that's mean, but what else are we supposed to do? If you're gonna get upset for being included, and you're gonna get upset for not being included, then tell us what to do. Because I don't know anymore.


Jackie.
Everyday. Almost everyday I drive you somewhere. And you haven't once offered me gas money, or even to take over the driving one day. I drive you to school every morning. Sometimes, I make two trips. Sometimes, I wake up specifically to drive you to school. Those days that I don't have to be in until 9? I wake up, drive you to school, come home, and go right back to sleep. Then, I make a second trip back to school. The day I stayed home from school, you still made me drive you. Did I ever tell you I almost got into an accident on my way back home? Yeah; I was so out of it that I almost drove straight into a parked car. Still think it was worth it to make me get up just to drive you? Or yesterday. I showed up at your house. Sat there for five minutes before you told me that your dad was gonna drive you and I didn't need to come. Tonight. You asked me for a ride. I said sure. Dropped Matt off 25 minutes early, because you texted me asking me to come "now." I told Sayuri I couldn't drive her because I was driving you. Then, I make the second trip, get halfway to your house and you tell me you're gonna walk instead? I'm really sick of it, and I think I might not offer you rides anymore. You live 10 minutes from the school; walk, like you did the other day. Or get your dad to drive you, which he clearly can and I don't know why I had to drive you for a month. You're the only person I drive around that hasn't offered gas money. You're in my car more than anyone else. Sure, maybe it's a petty thing, but when it comes to the $100+ a month that I'm spending on gas, I need all the help I can get, and if I'm driving you around, it's only fair to pitch in.
Your drama, your lies, your stories, and now this are really getting on my nerves. I love how close we've gotten lately, but I'm starting to see why people get sick of you so easily.





Just some things that I can't get out anywhere else..