I gave you life, I gave my all. You weren't there; you let me fall.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

10:42 am, period 1
So apparently Materia misses me. Probably cause heknows I don't miss him. He tells Candice he misses her, too. Yet he was an asshole to both of us last year. That's okay, I still get to hear his jokes when him and McGuirk rant about each other. But it's even better, just because, well, it's McGuirk. And making fun of Materia is always fun, right?

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

2:07 pm, period 5
you come to me with scars on your wrist
you tell me this will be the last night feeling like this
i just came to say goodbye
i didn't want you to see me cry, i'm fine
but i know it's a lie
this is the last night you'll spend alone
look me in the eye so i know you know
i'm everywhere you want me to be
the last night you'll spend alone
i'll wrap you in my arms and i won't let go
i'm everything you need me to be
your parents say everything is your fault
but they don't know you like i know you
they don't know you at all
i'm so sick of when they say
it's just a phase
you'll be okay
you're fine
but i know it's a lie
this is the last night you'll spend alone
look me in the eye so i know you know
i'm everywhere you want me to be
the last night you'll spend alone
i'll wrap you in my arms and i won't let go
i'm everything you need me to be
the night is so long when everything's wrong
if you give me your hand
i will help you hold on tonight
tonight

2:48 pm, period 6
holy crap, i'm shaking. that actually scared me.
"do you have a shirt on under that?"
not really. it's a cami. i can pull a sleeve up.
"no. can you pull it out?"
oh, yeah, sure.

if i take off my sweatshirt, you'll see my arm.


Thursday, November 13, 2008

11:28 pm
Don't give up, it takes awhile
I have seen this look before
And it's alright, you're not alone
If you don't love this anymore
I hear that you slipped again
I'm here cause I know you'll need a friend
And you know that accidents can happen
And it's okay; we all fall off the wagon sometimes
It's not your whole life, it's only one day
You haven't thrown everything away
Take some time and learn to breathe
And remember what it means
To feel alive and to believe
Something more that what you've seen
I know there's a price for this
But some things in life you must resist
I hear that you slipped again
I'm here cause I know you'll need a friend
And you know that accidents can happen
And it's okay; we all fall off the wagon sometimes
It's not your whole life, it's only one day
You haven't thrown everything away


Monday, November 17, 2008

10:43 am, period 1
Nothing to write. nothing to say. Kevin's off my mind lately, as is cutting. Odd how they go hand in hand together, yet I keep them held so far apart. I'm slowly getting over him. Slowly, but surely. I wish I could say there's someone new in the picture, someone helping me as I've had in the past. But no. Though, I must say I'm rather glad. My mind is free from the clutches of love and romance. It's not being held to feelings, tied to anyone. Nobody has the power to heal me, but even less the power to break me. I am safe, in my own little place. My mind. For me and nobody else. Isn't that all I can really ask for in times like these? To be safe, be free, with my own control on my emotions. Nobody in the way of living my life.So who needs love. Not I. For in my twisted world, it's beter to never have loved at all. Loving and losing only causes pain, and the end of friendships. So why risk it? Why go through that? Why, I've done it already. To go back would be foolish. And now as begin to sound repetitive I notice my words as they begin to lose meaning. The bell rang, but my thoughts are finished anyway.


Tuesday, November 18, 2008

1:30 pm, period 5
This is the most boring movie I've ever seen. Some guy read some book and was trying to find the author. Now he found the author and is talking to him on the phone. He sounds kind of stalkerish to me.
Why does Cooke only ever bug me? He never bothers Gaby or Vicky or Dina when they're doing their own thing. It's creative writing. Let me be creative, dammit! I'm really starting to like him less and less. So are Vicky and Gaby.
Now they're talking about Vietnam? Wtf? This movie makes no sense.


I don't enjoy this. I miss having things to write about. I mean, sure, most of the things I've been writing about were everything that was stressing me out, but now, there's nothing. I am so bored with my life it's not even funny. You'd think I'd be relaxing. I'm too bored to relax. I don't know how I feel in terms of telling Mommy, but it's just not on my mind lately. Kevin's just not worth caring anymore. I'm not crazy triggered, my mood swings are gone, and my withdrawal is over, since I stopped counting and started up again.


Wednesday, November 19, 2008

12:35 pm, period 5
"gentlemen don't kiss and tell"
Two things wrong there, buddy.
1. you just told.
2. you call yourself a fucking gentleman?
Get over yourself, asshole. Are you kidding me? First your better than everyone, king of the world attitude, then ditching and ignoring your closest friends, and now this? Fuck you, dude. Seriously, fuck you.
I can't believe I ever thought of you how I did. I thougth you were one of the greatest people I knew. Then I thought you were actually worth waiting for and staying friends with. Are you kidding?!
Ugh. Asshole.
You are SO not worth this shit.

Worth it or not, I already acted. I guess it's back to long sleeves all day and sweatshirts in gym. My arm is so fucked up it's pathetic. And yet, I don't even care that I've now associated the two parts of my life that I tried so hard to keep separated. He fucking deserves it. I hope he's proud.

I barely can even remember yesterday. I mean, I remember things that happened, but only when i think into it. I woke up thinking it was Tuesday. I had such a weird dream, too. But I can't remember what it was about. I'll remember later.

Mr. Cook is forcing some horrible movie on us. Which I just realized I mentioned yesterday.
Oh my goddd. The bell needs to ring now. 5 minutes. Just 5. But then I have gym, which isn't any better.